To all my friends at Rader; When entering Rader I had been dealing with anorexia/bulimia for 24 years and was dead tired. As my journey at Rader began I was an angry little monster with not much of a memory my first 4 days. I had not eaten or slept for the last couple of months as well as exercising up to 7 hours a day. I wanted the help, needed the help though having so much anger at who I was did not help my recovery … I could not deal any longer. When that loss of control starts, the eating disorder becomes my best friend and entire life. At 42 I could no longer continue this road to destruction. I was going to die if I did not stop. Strangely enough one of my biggest fears is death. How twisted the mind can be when we are striving for that exact thing with out realizing it and having such a fear of it. I have a new life today, I can eat, enjoy life, sleep, and I still continue to process assignments. I need my daily journals for me, and assignments for me. Recovery from the eating disorder is the hardest job I have ever had in my life. If not for Rader I would not be sitting at my computer typing this letter, I would be dust in the wind over a lake. I thank so many of you for being who you are, how you do it, and most of all, saving my life! I am now involved in ANAD and plan to travel with a prior Raderette here in my home town and give it away by speaking to the younger girls and boys at the schools in hopes of saving just one from this ugly cycle. I thank and love you for your help every day when I open my eyes.
Always in my heart,